Weight loss 2014-2016

Soooo it's been a while!!!  A long ass while!  I redid my surgery, went for gastric bypass in October 2014. Was the best decision I ever made!  I'm done to the mid 150's!!!!  

I can wear most everything from any store!  I can shop in the juniors section!

I still have miles to go though....next goal 120.  I'll get there but I have totally stalled.  I guess when you sit at a desk all day its easy to not lose any weight.

I want to change this blog into a ranting blog, because now I'm having serious ranting issues, maybe because I dont eat lol

Today I was driving to my daughters graduation and I totally flipped my shit.

I lost my mom about a year ago and I've been trying my damnedest to keep up a strong front, but I totally flipped out!

I'm driving down the road windows shut, music blaring and screaming and crying my freakin eyes out!!  If I had something to punch I totally would have!

Meh, it feels better writting it out and it sounds totally pantsy ass.  I guess we all grieve in different ways.  Maybe I should take up running...yes me exercise!!!  Its amazing what losing weight does, you can move your ass from here to there, in a fucking jiffy!!!

One last thing...I'm still feeling fat on the inside, it's like my brain is still a big girls brain and I lump myself in with big girls.  I guess it sounds fucking lame to real big girls who now look at me like a skinny bitch.

It's kinda fucked up you forget you are now a size 8 and considered skinny by most standard.

Anyways, I should sleep, gotta be at work in a few hours, and thats a rant for another day!!

Half Way There!!!

50 LBS lost!!!!  Even though its very hard to eat anything, I am so damn happy to be 50 lbs lighter!!!  Every time I step on the scale I smile from ear to ear!! I'd like to eventually hit 120lbs but I am thinking now that that might be way to skinny, but we will see.  It's very easy to gain weight, it's the losing it that is hard.  I am get to 120 and make up my mind if I wanna stay there or move up to a comfy 140.  Here is some before and after pics.

Fill

So on Monday the 23rd I got a fill to my lap-band.  I not have 2 1/2 cc's of saline in my band and I feel pretty good.  My weight loss is hovering right around 20lbs.  I am hoping to lose another 8lbs or so before my next fill in 6 weeks.

Other than the chest pain that goes all the way through to my back every once in a while, I feel pretty good.  I do need someone to rub the area of my back where the pain is a few times a week.  The pain is not bad, it's mostly annoying.  I am not sure if it means that something is stuck in my band or if it's just the pain of recovering from the surgery, because the pain is intermittent and also it stops when I eat.  I asked the doctor and he has never heard of these symptoms, so I am just taking it day by day.

I am totally looking forward to being lighter!!  I have been doing a bit of yoga and some belly dancing but boy does it hurt to exercise!  My body is really not used to moving as much and not eating very much.

So overall I feel great and it's a slow race to the finish line :)

Nothing New

I wont get my first fill until May 11th so I am not expecting to lose any weight until then.  I am hovering around 223, sometimes going down to 219.  I am back to eating everything normally, nothing gets stuck in my band anymore, but I do get pain if I eat too much so I am eating smaller portions.  I don't plan on writing daily since nothing is changing.  I will write as new things happen.

Happy Birthday to Me

So I am 32 years old today and it feels pretty good to be losing weight.  The only bad part is I have stalled again.  Seems I stall every once in a while but then lose 2 pounds overnight.  Everyone says it's water weight but I have no idea.  Tomorrow I get to see my doctor for my first check up after the surgery.  I am pretty sure he is not going to tighten my band but I wish he would.  It's been a bit over a month since I started the process and I have lost an overall total of 17 pounds which is not bad.  I am supposed to average 8 pounds a month so I am way ahead of schedule.

I have been eating salads, homemade, with boiled chicken, which sounds flavorless and boring but it's actually not.  I season the water and then I season the chicken after I remove it from the bone.  It's so good.  I have 5 or 6 different types of salad dressing and many different types of toppings so it's a great meal.  I also made potato soup and thats great too.

Yesterday my best friend Tamara took me out for Ice Cream since I cant have birthday cake.  It was delicious!  I have lots of photos of the piles and piles of ice cream we ordered up.  The whole gang was there.  We had a good time.  Tonight I am going to the movies, hopefully to watch a really scary movie and not eat any popcorn :( I wonder if I will ever be able to eat popcorn again.

So thats all for now, hopefully the weight will keep coming off and I will have more to write about.

Pizza BAD!

So I had a bad night, then I got a bit of short term memory loss and ended up having a bad day too!!!  How does something like that happen?  You ask...

Well let me just tell you!

So last night my sister-in-law was here with my niece and nephew, and my husband was awake and we were all hanging out in front of the house smokin' the hookah!  Tobacco, not weed :P  So dinner time rolled around and we decided to order out for pizza.  My mouth watered at the thought!!  YAY PIZZA!!  I quickly ran to the phone and ordered me up some BBQ Chicken goodness from Round Table.

When we sat down to eat I was like "UUmmm I am not supposed to eat pizza yet, it's only been like 2 1/2 weeks since the surgery"  And my family was like "awww too bad"  But like a trooper I thought I would eat just the toppings, I mean how bad can some chicken and cheese and bacon and stuff be right?!?!  IT WAS BAD!!

BAD BAD BAD!!!

I ate 2 pieces, just the toppings and I was out for the night.  I was rolling around on the floor begging for a swift death!  It's kinda like peering over the rim of the toilet and swearing to god that you will never touch tequila again, only I couldn't throw up to save my arse!!

I suffered agonizing pain all night and finally passed out.

Have you ever heard the story of little bunny foo foo?  Well that was me....THE NEXT DAY...

So I wake up in the morning feeling fine and dandy.  I had my cup-o-coffee and was feeling a bit hungry, so I had some chicken wheat thing that Assyrian people eat, it's creamy and goes down nicely and Damien had some too.  We were full and content.

At noon it was time for lunch and I was starving, it's crazy since the lap-band I actually get hungry at normal times and have to eat 3 meals a day with small snack in between, JUST LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!!!

Okay so noon rolls around and I go into the kitchen to find me some yummy yummy goodness.  I open the fridge and there is lentil soup, that I have been eating since Sunday (it's now Thursday) so I nix that off the list - I am so sick of soup, after this experience I will probably never eat soup again.  I turn around from the fridge and there on the counter....the skies open up and the angels sing and WALLAH pizza.....yummy yummy pizza.

Where is my brain you ask?  Well I know I was nearly dead last night, but as Monty Python so eloquently put it I GOT BETTER!!  So I thought, okay I had 2 pieces last night that's why I nearly died, so today I will only have 1.  I carefully selected the largest piece I could find (Well I was only going to eat 1 piece!) and I covered it in red pepper flakes and Parmesan cheese, plopped it into the microwave and watched it with watering mouth for the whole minute as it spun around like gooey yummy goodness.

DING

I pulled it out the microwave and plopped down on the couch to enjoy it slowly and methodically.  I was fine until the last sinful bite, oh it was so damn good!!!  I ate everything but the breading.  No crust for me, just toppings.

A few minutes later a feeling crept up my throat...slowly.,..slowly.....slowly.....DEADLY!!!!! DYING!!! PAIN!!! FIRE IN MY CHEST!!!  Again I was rolling on the rolling asking god to please kill me now.

It is now 8 pm, 8 hours since I swallowed my last morsel and I am still hurting a bit.  It's a pain that shoots from my chest into my back and nothing will relieve it!!  I don't know how I made it today, I was sure I would die...hell I might even die now, who knows...But mark my words!!  I will never eat pizza again!!!

For those of you who food is a passion (as it was for me) don't do it!!!  This lap-band crap is evil!!  I shouldn't say that.  But man the pain is so damn horrid!  How do they expect me to eat soup for 5 weeks and baby food for 3 weeks?!?!!?  Who can survive on that crap!?!?

I think the only way I get through it is by thinking how I am going to give the big FUCK YOU to all the skinny bitches in Victoria's Secret when I am skinny and they have to help me pick out a bra, and I will make them spent hours looking for a nice bra then leave without buying one, and make sure to remind them how they treated me when I was a big girl.  Is that sick and twisted?  Well I don't care :p

On a good note, I have not been hungry since noon, I guess when you are praying for a quick death food doesn't seem so important LOL

Feeling great!

On Friday I went out of town for a birthday party and I was feeling a little crappy, worried I had eaten something that had gotten stuck in the band, but I stuck to liquid all weekend and I feel great now.  I have lost 17 pounds and I am starting to see a difference.  My clothes are loose and I have more energy.  Some food bothers me and I feel some pain in my chest but otherwise I am ok.

A few days ago I noticed one of my wounds was infected a little but now I am on anti-biotics and I am better.  Everything is looking up and I am so excited!!  I will post new pics soon.