Pizza BAD!

So I had a bad night, then I got a bit of short term memory loss and ended up having a bad day too!!!  How does something like that happen?  You ask...

Well let me just tell you!

So last night my sister-in-law was here with my niece and nephew, and my husband was awake and we were all hanging out in front of the house smokin' the hookah!  Tobacco, not weed :P  So dinner time rolled around and we decided to order out for pizza.  My mouth watered at the thought!!  YAY PIZZA!!  I quickly ran to the phone and ordered me up some BBQ Chicken goodness from Round Table.

When we sat down to eat I was like "UUmmm I am not supposed to eat pizza yet, it's only been like 2 1/2 weeks since the surgery"  And my family was like "awww too bad"  But like a trooper I thought I would eat just the toppings, I mean how bad can some chicken and cheese and bacon and stuff be right?!?!  IT WAS BAD!!

BAD BAD BAD!!!

I ate 2 pieces, just the toppings and I was out for the night.  I was rolling around on the floor begging for a swift death!  It's kinda like peering over the rim of the toilet and swearing to god that you will never touch tequila again, only I couldn't throw up to save my arse!!

I suffered agonizing pain all night and finally passed out.

Have you ever heard the story of little bunny foo foo?  Well that was me....THE NEXT DAY...

So I wake up in the morning feeling fine and dandy.  I had my cup-o-coffee and was feeling a bit hungry, so I had some chicken wheat thing that Assyrian people eat, it's creamy and goes down nicely and Damien had some too.  We were full and content.

At noon it was time for lunch and I was starving, it's crazy since the lap-band I actually get hungry at normal times and have to eat 3 meals a day with small snack in between, JUST LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!!!

Okay so noon rolls around and I go into the kitchen to find me some yummy yummy goodness.  I open the fridge and there is lentil soup, that I have been eating since Sunday (it's now Thursday) so I nix that off the list - I am so sick of soup, after this experience I will probably never eat soup again.  I turn around from the fridge and there on the counter....the skies open up and the angels sing and WALLAH pizza.....yummy yummy pizza.

Where is my brain you ask?  Well I know I was nearly dead last night, but as Monty Python so eloquently put it I GOT BETTER!!  So I thought, okay I had 2 pieces last night that's why I nearly died, so today I will only have 1.  I carefully selected the largest piece I could find (Well I was only going to eat 1 piece!) and I covered it in red pepper flakes and Parmesan cheese, plopped it into the microwave and watched it with watering mouth for the whole minute as it spun around like gooey yummy goodness.

DING

I pulled it out the microwave and plopped down on the couch to enjoy it slowly and methodically.  I was fine until the last sinful bite, oh it was so damn good!!!  I ate everything but the breading.  No crust for me, just toppings.

A few minutes later a feeling crept up my throat...slowly.,..slowly.....slowly.....DEADLY!!!!! DYING!!! PAIN!!! FIRE IN MY CHEST!!!  Again I was rolling on the rolling asking god to please kill me now.

It is now 8 pm, 8 hours since I swallowed my last morsel and I am still hurting a bit.  It's a pain that shoots from my chest into my back and nothing will relieve it!!  I don't know how I made it today, I was sure I would die...hell I might even die now, who knows...But mark my words!!  I will never eat pizza again!!!

For those of you who food is a passion (as it was for me) don't do it!!!  This lap-band crap is evil!!  I shouldn't say that.  But man the pain is so damn horrid!  How do they expect me to eat soup for 5 weeks and baby food for 3 weeks?!?!!?  Who can survive on that crap!?!?

I think the only way I get through it is by thinking how I am going to give the big FUCK YOU to all the skinny bitches in Victoria's Secret when I am skinny and they have to help me pick out a bra, and I will make them spent hours looking for a nice bra then leave without buying one, and make sure to remind them how they treated me when I was a big girl.  Is that sick and twisted?  Well I don't care :p

On a good note, I have not been hungry since noon, I guess when you are praying for a quick death food doesn't seem so important LOL